A weird Christmas

This Christmas is really weird.

Well, I’m sure there’s nothing special about it this year, I’m sure it’s just me.

I feel



Things are not happy as they are “supposed” to be on Christmas…or maybe that’s how I’m assuming they should be. (okay, so i’m taking things for granted…hmmm. shouldn’t! Looks like I’m buying this world’s conceptions and ideas. not good.)

On the home front, my family is going through some really hard stuff. So I’d ask you to please pray for us. I have been losing my temper way too much on the past couple of days, and I’m ashamed I have. First ’cause it’s sin, and also ’cause it’s not their fault. I have to be reminded over and over again about what’s really going on…that it is just a health disorder…what they do is not on purpose. But it’s so hard at times to keep patient and forgiving. The Lord is trying to teach me so much, yet I feel like I’m not getting the whole thing. I almost feel as if this whole situation is an answer to my prayer of  “Lord, do whatever you want with me…try me, and test me if you should, but bring me close to You!”  I am afraid, though, that I am failing this test.

I’m four days away from Christmas break. And I sure am looking forward to it. If things get better at home, then I’m planning to spend a few days with my pastor’s family up there in the mountains  So i’ll be going with them from the 26th until the 2nd, God willing. If things don’t improve, then I’m called to stay at home doing whatever needs to be done and exercising my patience and contentment for the Lord’s sake. It’s not fun, but it’s His will…so it’s all good. We’ll see.

And speaking of Christmas, yesterday was the first time I felt “Christmasy”… at least for a short period of time. Kindergarten kids had their Christmas concert, and I was there, listening to their beautiful songs to our Savior and suddenly I started crying in one. I don’t remember which one was it, but it touched me. *sigh*

Anyway, I gotta start working now. As early as it seems, I need to hand in this quarter’s grades to the office today, and guess what…I haven’t started yet!

If you have time, and feel as down and helpless as I do…please read this morning’s meditation by Spurgeon. It helped to refocus:

My soul, rest happy in thy low estate,

Nor hope nor wish to be esteem’d or great;

To take the impress of the Will Divine,

Be that thy glory, and those riches thine.


2 thoughts on “A weird Christmas

  1. He’ll back in Febuary (God willing!!) and we will hopefully be able to see each shortly after that. 🙂
    I understand your thoughts… I’ve been feeling somewhat the same. It seems as though somewhere along the way I’ve lost my focus on where it needs to be. Somehow I’ve let my joy in Christ slip away. I guess it left me feeling as though I need to force the Christmas spirit in order to feel happy and “Christmasy” this season. Oddly enough, listening to a performance of Handel’s Messiah was what finally triggered my even realizing this. The words and music smacked me over the head with what I had lost- my passion for God and glorifying him was gone. Because of that, there was no excitement in celebrating his arrival into the world. Strange how we so easily discard our most precious treasure.

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