I believe God loves me.
Lately I have been very down myself. I found out again how weak and spiritually poor I am. I have felt how unready I am to turn 21 years old. I ain’t ready at all. I don’t know why…but maybe I’ll rant about that later…anyway….Yes, He does love me…these are some of the demonstrations of His love to this unfaithful child of His:
This week I started working at a summer camp. I teach english to 6-7 yrs old kids, and also serve as guide. It all started horribly the first couple of days for me because I didn’t understand most of the logistic (even though it’s my second year working there, I was kinda lost in the activities we were doing), but then I asked the coordinator and she helped me out. I asked God to help me and give me the grace with the kids and their parents, and He has answered that in amazing ways. The kids are enjoying it so much and I have been able to teach and have everything under control so far. I am enjoying it too. Praise God!
Last Thursday I was giving a ride to my spiritual mother to the church so she could make some copies of some material she had. But before she went in the church, she bought “The Pleasures of God” by Piper. We made the copies and then rode back to her house. She forgot to take the book and left it in my car. I found out yesterday that it was sitting there. I started reading a bit the preface and introduction and it was like God talking so clearly to me. I couldn’t put it down. This morning I woke up and continued reading through the first chapter. I can’t tell how much it has encouraged me to stop looking at myself, and focusing on what how I need to change and grow and do…(not that it is bad, but looking at myself and forgetting about the cross produces a big heartache and frustration in me) and start seeing God and delighting in Him. I was devouring the book and didn’t want to stop reading…It was everything I needed to hear.It was refreshing to read about how Christ will never put us down or frustrate or make us bored. I have been looking in broken cisterns, but He is an eternal fountain of water to quench my thirst! And He is that because of His grace, not because He needs me I think I’m gonna ask for it as a birthday present. I need to continue reading about these things.
Yesterday I got an interesting call from a friend. She was donating part of her wardrobe to me. It wasn’t much…just about 5 + shirts….but it meant the world to me. It was like “oh wow….the Lord…I didn’t ask you for this, but you saw my need beforehand and provided” Another reason why my faith is being built up.
Sometimes I don’t want to post things like this because I know I won’t get comments. But I realize that my intentions in posting here are all wrong. Why do I decide to have Xanga in the first place? To get comments and be popular, or to serve as an encouragement to others? I guess I very often write here because I want to get as many comments as possible. I want to hear what people have to say. I love writing, and having people giving me their insights is not a bad thing in enough itself…but I think that it shouldn’t be my primary reason to write. If I do that, then writing will become a burden and not a delightful thing to do as it has always been for me. Paul says that everything we do, should be done for the glory of God…even having Xanga and writing. This, as everything else in my life, should be used as a mean of seeking and proclaiming His glory, not mine. I have to understand that sometimes silence from the audience is also a response. A smile, a convicting thought, a tear is also a comment, even if I don’t see it. If by any of my posts someone realizes any truth –for “All Truth is God’s Truth”, then my purpose will be fulfilled and my God will be known in the Earth. It’s so easy to be deceived by one’s heart. But praise the Lord, because His goodness endures forever!
God bless you in the Lord’s Day!