I believe God loves me.

Lately I have been very down myself. I found out again how weak and spiritually poor I am. I have felt how unready I am to turn 21 years old. I ain’t ready at all. I don’t know why…but maybe I’ll rant about that later…anyway….Yes, He does love me…these are some of the demonstrations of His love to this unfaithful child of His:

This week I started working at a summer camp. I teach english to 6-7 yrs old kids, and also serve as guide. It all started horribly the first couple of days for me because I didn’t understand most of the logistic (even though it’s my second year working there, I was kinda lost in the activities we were doing), but then I asked the coordinator and she helped me out. I asked God to help me and give me the grace with the kids and their parents, and He has answered that in amazing ways. The kids are enjoying it so much and I have been able to teach and have everything under control so far. I am enjoying it too. Praise God!

Last Thursday I was giving a ride to my spiritual mother to the church so she could make some copies of some material she had. But before she went in the church, she bought “The Pleasures of God” by Piper. We made the copies and then rode back to her house. She forgot to take the book and left it in my car. I found out yesterday that it was sitting there. I started reading a bit the preface and introduction and it was like God talking so clearly to me. I couldn’t put it down. This morning I woke up and continued reading through the first chapter. I can’t tell how much it has encouraged me to stop looking at myself, and focusing on what how I need  to change and grow and do…(not that it is bad, but looking at myself and forgetting about the cross produces a big heartache and frustration in me) and start seeing God and delighting in Him. I was devouring the book and didn’t want to stop reading…It was everything I needed to hear.It was refreshing to read about how Christ will never put us down or frustrate or make us bored. I have been looking in broken cisterns, but He is an eternal fountain of water to quench my thirst! And He is that because of His grace, not because He needs me  I think I’m gonna ask for it as a birthday present. I need to continue reading about these things.

Yesterday I got an interesting call from a friend. She was donating part of her wardrobe to me. It wasn’t much…just about 5 + shirts….but it meant the world to me. It was like “oh wow….the Lord…I didn’t ask you for this, but you saw my need beforehand and provided” Another reason why my faith is being built up.

Sometimes I don’t want to post things like this because I know I won’t get comments. But I realize that my intentions in posting here are all wrong. Why do I decide to have Xanga in the first place? To get comments and be popular, or to serve as an encouragement to others? I guess I very often write here because I want to get as many comments as possible. I want to hear what people have to say. I love writing, and having people giving me their insights is not a bad thing in enough itself…but I think that it shouldn’t be my primary reason to write. If  I do that, then writing will become a burden and not a delightful thing to do as it has always been for me. Paul says that everything we do, should be done for the glory of God…even having Xanga and writing. This, as everything else in my life, should be used as a mean of seeking and proclaiming His glory, not mine. I have to understand that sometimes silence from the audience is also a response. A smile, a convicting thought, a tear is also a comment, even if I don’t see it. If by any of my posts someone realizes any truth –for “All Truth is God’s Truth”, then my purpose will be fulfilled and my God will be known in the Earth. It’s so easy to be deceived by one’s heart. But praise the Lord, because His goodness endures forever!

God bless you in the Lord’s Day!


8 thoughts on “

  1. At the risk of making you more popular… 🙂
    Good thoughts.  I really agree with you on the bit about thinking about oneself, and especially one’s self-improvement, all the time.  It is extremely frustrating and, since we will never succeed at being perfect, depressing.  This truth is a lot easier to realize than it is to put into practice; I know because I am obsessively self-critical by nature and because I am in the continual process of trying hard to become less so.  Such thinking usually turns out to be a veiled form of legalism, since it leads one to ignore the pleasure one could be receiving from living in God’s presence, insisting that this comes second to one’s own abortive efforts to perfect oneself.
    Personally, I don’t think a desire to elicit comments from people is a bad thing.  Comments show that people are listening to, thinking about, and profiting from your thoughts.  It also gives you the pleasure of seeing their responses for yourself, which is a wholesome pleasure.  Obviously, don’t feel like a failure if you don’t get comments, or get bitter at anyone, least of all God, that your writing is sometimes not as provocative as it could be.  Use the quest to stir people’s thoughts as a challenge to improve your writing, which already shows a great deal of promise.

  2. Wow!  What a really nice post.  I enjoy reading posts like this to see people enjoying the freedom that Christ brings.  Jesus didn’t call us to dwell on our sin or sinfulness but to dwell on Him and His grace from the cross!  I have read another book of Piper’s called “Desiring God”.  I would suggest reading that book as well.   I agree with LiveOutLoudAZ that desiring feedback is a bad thing.  That means you want people to listen and benefit from what you are writing.  Thanks for being honest and open like this.  God bless you sister!

  3. Are you going to like the change from teaching all subjects to three? I’m going to have 3 of the same material which may get a little repetitive but I think I’ll like that for my first year.

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